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Really all you need to know about me:

  • I love working with new technology. If Tinder has taught us anything, it's that everything looks better online.

  • Professional baker in a past life. What I can't put into words I put into pie.

  • My Wu-Tang name is Ninja Sardonic. BOLO.

  • I hate breakfast foods. I think eggs and bacon are in a marriage of convenience.

  • Hope to one day write one-liners as good as Ice T's in Law & Order SVU.

  • I will blindly believe anything animal planet parades as truth, i.e., Megalodon and Mermaid mockumentaries.

  • As a child I aspired to be a janitor. If cleanliness is next to godliness then i'm the Kanye of clean.

  • I love SPAM and truly believe that all of the nitrates in it will slowly preserve me from the inside out.

  • Yes, I am half pacific islander. Yes, I understand that I look very, very caucasian.